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’ isn’t so straightforward—and that’s what can make it difficult to spot.” The warning signs for dating violence can be similar to warning signs for sexual assault and abuse.

With dating violence, early warning signs often begin with behaviors that are not physically violent.

They may think the bad stuff isn’t so bad or that they can live with it, because the nice things their abuser does make up for it.

Your friend might oscillate between telling you about the bad things and making excuses for their abuser, who apologizes and promises s/he will be better in the future.

(This is called the “cycle of abuse” and it is a common feature of abusive relationships.) It’s a confusing time for your friend, but it may even be confusing (or frustrating, or scary) for you – your friend’s conviction that the relationship is actually okay may start to convince you too. Recognizing that each situation is specific and complex, as a general rule always prioritize the needs and safety of the victim.

“I think one of my friends is an abuser, or is abusing another of my friends. Additional reading here: How to Support a Survivor: Survivor Doesn’t Mean ‘Angel’ This resource was compiled by Dana Bolger and Olivia Ortiz, with contributions from Landen Gambill, Tucker Reed, Jisoo Lee, and other survivors and their friends who wish to remain anonymous.

“I think my friend might be in an abusive relationship. Know first that abusers are often very charming and skilled at masking their abuse.

Often they can look particularly committed to their partners and it can be hard to recognize that “commitment” as something unhealthy or abusive.

Sometimes your friend may know that their relationship is unhealthy, but may not be aware of the degree to which it is abusive.The Lauren Dunne Astley Memorial Fund was created by her parents.It’s mission is to promote dynamic educational programs, particularly those in the areas of the development of healthy teen relationships, the arts and community service.National Center for Victims of Crime is the nation’s leading resource and advocacy organization for crime victims.The Date Safe Project is committed to being the nation’s leading organization for teaching how “asking first” makes all the difference in creating safer intimacy and in decreasing occurrences of sexual assault.

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