Are you dating a player
Yesterday, I blogged about the advice my male friends have for interpreting a guy's mixed signals. Now, I think it's obvious when someone texts you at midnight, asking what you're up to, that he's just looking for sex.Today, as a follow-up, I want to talk today about another writer-lady's very smart advice on how to determine whether or not a guy is a player. But players will also send more innocent-seeming texts, saying stuff like, "Hey — spontaneous invite — wanna grab dinner tonight? I'm free tonight but will probably have to work late through the weekend. " While this kind of informality might come off as charming or enthusiastic, I think you should never agree to a last-minute plan unless you've already been on multiple dates with a guy — or unless you feel confident that he is pretty into you. It will make you uncomfortable or it will seem like a deviation from his typical behavior or both.
I was looking forward to meeting him that Saturday night. I told him something that made him uncomfortable, and he abruptly shut down and cancelled the date. From my point of view, what I shared with him was intended to be kind and helpful, certainly not offensive. Keep your eyes open to the red flags that show up early on. And walk away from a man who doesn’t respect you and your boundaries.
I’ve learned to accept the man I date for who he is today, not who he might become if only… He lived about an hour away so after a few phone calls, we decided to Skype to get a physical/energetic sense of each other. He told me he found me to be very attractive and sexy.
I enjoyed his compliments, but was a little concerned that “sexy” was the first thing on his mind.
A few months ago, he contacted me on another dating site. I was playful but let him know that I wanted to be seen as a whole woman, not objectified as a sex object. He drove to my neighborhood – I always appreciate when a man makes the effort to drive a distance to see me. It was all very sweet, but a little voice in my head said, “He’s behaving like your boyfriend, and you just met. Instead of contacting him, I got back to living my fabulous life without him. Dating is complex, and the more you learn about yourself, the better the outcome of your relationships.
I recognized him immediately, and remembered the good and the bad. He promised that he did see and appreciate all of me, and I really wanted to believe him. Keep your eyes wide open and slow things down.” When we got back to his car, he became very passionate and persistent. Accountability is one of the cornerstones in a relationship. Yes, I let myself be taken in by his manliness, sexiness, intelligence, and seemingly shared values. That’s been the major shift for me as I do the inner work on my journey to find love. This is the same process I take my clients through.